# 915: after vanessa german
Black Girl on a Skateboard Going Where She’s Got to Go to Do What She’s Got to Do and It May Not Have Anything to Do With You, Ever by artist Vanessa German @ El Paso Museum of Art.
“self-loathing transmuted, a joy-bitch”
museums can be so boring at times. strange even, to have buildings dedicated to random objects asking us to consider or revere someone's vision. sometimes the objects are stolen and placed there for our amusement and appreciation. yet i still love to be there and sit with these thoughts. sit with the boredom. sit with the confusion. sit with the questions that come up and often have no answer. sit with being surprised, floored, moved to tears. sit with whatever comes up.
this piece by artist Vanessa German at El Paso Museum of Art gave me an immediate jolt of happiness. it pulled me from whatever self-absorbing thoughts were going on. i just remember turning around and having to stop. this is possibly my favorite feeling in life. being stopped in my tracks. being pulled out of my incessant mind-chatter and self-delusion. this gal speeding by on her yellow skateboard stopped me, made me smile, get low, and get close. i approached the card that comes along with the artwork so I could take a photo to read later. but i read the title because it was so long. so long and perfect. so long and representative of how i was feeling at that exact moment. these coincidences are little electric shocks to the core. and now, this morning, i came back to my phone to read the card and i'm surprised once again. what an ingenious way to explain what went into making this! no, Vanessa didn't just use plaster, wood, glue, black pigment, whatever else. she used freedom in the body, freedom in the Soul, masturbation, meanness transmuted, love. she gave herself what she didn't have before. she gave herself what she craved. this is my kind of woman. this is my kind of artist. this is my kind of person. this is my kind of invitation to do the very same. to give myself/yourself the things you need. the things you desire. the things you may want someone else to give to you. it's a good exercise for when someone else does give you these things you learn to recognize the value in the gift. and when they don't, you can quickly recognize that time's up. because you're a joy-bitch. and whatever doesn't water that seed and pushes you into self-loathing should be transmuted or shown the exit, however gently.
this isn't about negating our experiences. this isn't about negating differences. this isn't about becoming intolerant. this is about, as german herself says, transmuting the lemons. the lemony things. this is about realizing our constant interdependence with our lived experiences and those of others. this is about taking your own and making them whole for yourself. this is about the art born from that. this is about the art that transmits that so when someone like me walks by they can feel the joy first and maybe then notice the plaster.
